So it. Sunday at 1 am and I haven’t had time to write about Friday night, well it was very eventful. I went out with Darcy and I though that everyone hated us so we chilled around Abercarn untill about 11 pm, I left her by the bus stop to go home, on they way home I seen a wobbly drunken figure coming towards me, it was Sam, I explained to him why I thought everyone hated me and he then asked where everyone was and I said that they where all up the Belltower, because he was drunk I walked him up and half way up there we notice they where outside the gate and u said I was going home so he shouted up asking them all if they were okay with me and they said yes so I went up and say with them and they where all nice to me, well after half hour we left to go over the park witch me was messing around and “he” got hit in the balls but a horse it was so funny and then we decided to have a fire so me Chloe and Kurt went to get a bin to light on fire so we took it back to the park and lit it and then me Kurt and Chloe went on an “adventure” and we brought a door back to burn ahah, then Everyone else went on an adventure and brought two bins back and burnt them and then a wooden pallet an after 3 minutes the whole park was on fire an it was uncontrollable and we ran as fast as we could over to Barrets bridge where we stayed for a while, Connor was so tired he came and cwtched up to me aha, after a wile we walked back over to the scene of the crime(the park) and it was all back, we must have cause a few hundred pounds worth of damage, it felt strangely exciting and guilty at the same time, then everyone left an went in except me, Tiegan, Paige and Chloe so we went up Barrets path and found a tin of cherry dry hair shampoo and we all spayed it in our hair and used it to write our names on the bridge and then we went to Mc Donald’s at 7am and we all looked dead and we stayed in there untill 9am then left and walked home and then Paige robbed some old mans t shirt off his washing line and we got chased arose the Brickedy and me and Chloe ran up the banking and we seen a police car go past so we hid for a while then ran down mine and went to sleep ahah, well that was my weekend!
B, xo

Wednesday 24 September 2014

its 11:30pm, i haven’t even seen him today, to be honest i still love him with all my heart but fuck him, he is such a slag and i haven’t got time for him, but he’s so nice… his personality and looks! i miss him, i really do, he like them skinny pretty bitches, I’m never gonna look like Shauna. Ive been crying tonight, I’m just really depressed and lonely, i think I’m gonna have a drinking session this weekend as I’m really sad. I’m listening to Tove Lo Paradise, what a deep song, its amazing and i can relate to it so much right now “I want you for a million days”

B, xo

Wednesday 24th September

its 12:06am, I’ve been in cardiff yesterday/a couple of hours ago with Paige and we had a laugh but wince we got home we found out that “he” got taken to the police after being thrown out of Cardiff Stadium, and today is his birthday nawr, no one knew where he was until now. i was so worried! Ive messaged him on Facebook so he should be home soon, Ieuan has his phone tho, i hate Ieuan -_- he’s a dick. But today/yesterday has been really eventful aha.

Tuesday 23rd September 2014

Well its 2:31am, i had an amazing night OUT with everyone and i met some new girls from Hengoed, including Shauna.. she’s actually really nice and VERY pretty. His birthday is tomorrow. He kinda made it clear that we are only friends but I’m not sure if that just what he wants me to think, Paige was messing around and said “why don’t you two just get on each other aha” and replied with “nahh we can’t do that, she’s like my best friend” so it makes me feel a little bit better to think that he does actually appreciate our friendship, but on the other side we are kinda in the “Friend zone” i guess.

I’m listening to Bittersweet Tragedy by Melanie Martinez, i love her, she has that sweet but “i don’t care what people think or say about me” vibe, which i adore, she has this precious little gap between her teeth, its a little bigger than mine so it kinda makes me feel better about mine, she’s just amazing and her song Carousel has inspired me to actually get a carousel tattoo, it has a meaning, life keeps going around and around.

lucyeubankss

lucyeubankss:

where do babies come from, really? they come from boys who want to sit on their ass, they come from girls who like to grow up too fast, they come from screaming, fighting, makeup sex

Sunday 21st September 2014

It’s 11:57pm, I’m listening to Ariana Grande again and also Tove Lo- I’m not on drugs. I’ve been feeling really upset and down and i just hate these feeling so much. I started talking to Amy last night, after 10 months of not speaking, she wants to meet me after collage tomorrow but I’ve messaged her to see if she’s still coming and i haven had no reply, well i will have not gained nor lost anything if she still wants to meet me, I’m not looking to be her “BFF” again, i just want to be “okay” with her, although i think we are on good terms as she sent me that massive paragraph about 3/4 months ago when she was in hospital. I feel that Tumblr is the only place where i can actually be my self, i can’t even be myself in my own house without being judged. I just want to be wanted i guess, i feel that i need to talking and bothering with him, just to try and get rid of my feelings for him, but we are good friends and i don’t want to destroy out relationship, i enjoy taking to him and messing around with him in this joke of a village, he’s the only reason i smile lately and sadly one of many reasons i feel this low, just because i know i will never be with him, he’s too good for me and lets not forget he love girls Sharlie….Skylar…Shauna.. any “pretty” girl i guess.

I think i am going to focus on becoming happy again and art makes me happy so i will probably be setting my mind on some “artistic” projects and posting them on here, just so i can feel a different feeling than SAD and ANGRY and POWERLESS and all the other shitty feelings i have, well if i have any other feelings or stuff i want to share ill post on here.

B, xo

Saturday 20th September 2014

It’s currently 7:51pm, I’m sat in my living room on my own listening to Best Mistake - Ariana Grande, what an amazing song, I miss him so much😔, he rang me at 4:11am this morning, I can still remember the first day I actually met him 😣 when I met him in the Belltower in Abercarn and he kept shining a red light in my eyes aha, I didn’t even know his name, but now his name is the only thing going through my head😭 I really don’t want to say it but I actually think I love him 😩😭 I miss him so much, i think he only likes me as a friend tho, that fact make my heart feel as broken as my iPhone screen😪

Saturday 6th September 2014 

Dear diary,
It’s 6:06 am and I’m listening to sad songs and thinking of him… Again. “I’ve been waiting on your love for too long now, too long now”- LDR, Backfire! My eyes are sore and my head hurts, I’ll be “fine”, like normal! I feel so depressed. I’m hearing birds tweeting in my left ear and land del rey in my right ear, the grey-blue sky is getting brighter everytime I look at it.
Why can’t I look like “Skylar”? What do I need? The perfect nose and blonde long hair? That depresses me even more, give me gasoline and a lighter please? 
Where I’m going I don’t need my friends, I need to change my name and image and get on a plain to anywhere, LA preferably, American dream please?

B, xo