Saturday 6th September 2014 

Dear diary,
It’s 6:06 am and I’m listening to sad songs and thinking of him… Again. “I’ve been waiting on your love for too long now, too long now”- LDR, Backfire! My eyes are sore and my head hurts, I’ll be “fine”, like normal! I feel so depressed. I’m hearing birds tweeting in my left ear and land del rey in my right ear, the grey-blue sky is getting brighter everytime I look at it.
Why can’t I look like “Skylar”? What do I need? The perfect nose and blonde long hair? That depresses me even more, give me gasoline and a lighter please? 
Where I’m going I don’t need my friends, I need to change my name and image and get on a plain to anywhere, LA preferably, American dream please?

B, xo

Thursday 4th September 2014

Dear Diary,
It’s currently 1:03pm, I haven’t been to sleep, I woke up yesterday at (Aprox) 6:15pm, it was another late night! I have to wait at least another 2 hours in till I can get rid of this “fat”, I can feel a lump in my throat… The pain under my tongue has gone, the pain of living is still alive, it’s leaving me feeling dead! The fear of disappointing people is also present! & yes, he is also still on my mind, I was talking to him this morning at about 1 am, he never fails to make me smile, it weirdly makes me sad, I think it’s because I know we will never be “together”, that depresses me, along with another 1 billion things! At the moment I’m really exited about Autumn and Winter, Dark nights and cranberry scented candles, yum, not to mention hot chocolate with marshmallows whilst standing outside in the snow wearing thick clothing with scarfs, gloves and a hat! Ahhh I do love this time of year, the darkness of the days and nights are the best and also to excuse to wear black & dark red lipstick, yay!
I’ll write soon
B, xo

Wednesday 3rd September 2014 

Dear diary,
It’s currently 5:17am, I’m wide awake with my insomnia and a sharp pain in the back of my mouth. The bedroom window Is almost completely closed, oped just enough to hear the traffic passing by on the bottom main road. My phone battery life is on 32%! I’ve been up all night drinking Apple juice and watching KUWTK & Teen Wolf! I keep thinking of him, you know, HIM! My mind is going crazy and I’m thinking of many thing such as bulimia, money, education and failing. I feel as trapped as the moth that is inside my sisters used lollipop lid! All I can hear is traffic, coughing and an almost mute bumping sound every now and again from my fish, Noël, swimming into the plastic recovery home while he waits for me to clean his tank! Life is stopping slowly, I can feel it, I’m either going to completely stop or wait to be rescued, I can’t do this on my own, I just can’t, I can’t even go outside without makeup on, I’m that powerless, I’m living off tablets, KFC & coke. It’s totally healthy(sarcasm!)
Well I’m gonna go listen to some depressing music (Glory & Gore) and watch the sun rise from this dark navy blue shade to an unicorn lilac shade and finally to a basic sky blue, so bye, I’ll write very soon!
B, xo